THUS SAITH HE WHO IS NOT

ONEONESEVEN

2009-04-01T14:04:52Z

Blow, blow, thou winter wind.
Thou art not so unkind
As man’s ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.

Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho! unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most jolly.

Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
That dost not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remember’d not.

2 distinctions and nothing worth.

ONEONESIX

2007-12-27T10:07:15Z

Hooray for Christmas, candles gleaming, hearts are warming.

I was in Tokyo/Sapporo over last week till the eve.

Shopping was good - clothes, CDs, books, random Japanese trinkets - and it only leaves me to wonder why people say Japan is expensive. I find it very affordable. Well, then again, I'm not the one who is affording it!

Festive music is still playing around the house. This year's presents are quite an impressive lot. I feel quite happy with my new things, and slightly guilty at the same time.

I stepped on my conscience and shopped in town.

:/

Happy Christmas, all.

ONEONEFIVE

2007-11-10T14:04:37Z

nasty snowman
happy snowman

ah, head over heels

ONEONEFOUR

2007-01-07T14:26:34Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR

It's usually on my birthday or on new year's eve that I reflect on the past year. Most of the times I'll regret over lost time and such, but 2006 was different. It was a blast.

I'm really happy about 2006, the new things, the new people, the revisited friendships, the regrets, the new habits and hobbies ... It has been a really fun year and probably one of the most exciting ones I've had. I've learned so much, developed in so many areas of my life, and most of all I think I've grown and have taken a higher road. (haha)

It'll be hard for 2007 to beat that, but I think it's off to a good start with a new ipod. yeah

ONEONETHREE

2006-12-06T15:27:53Z

Okay, ATCL on Friday, December 8, 12:20 PM

I really wouldn't be surprised should I fail. And I'm not saying that with false modesty. I'm mixed with being sick of classical music, feeling responsible for my performance that day, trying to fix all my technical deficiencies in time, and acknowledging that my over-practice is becoming counter-productive.

Suddenly Yanni and Secret Garden sounds so refreshing.

I want to learn the bass guitar.

ONEONETWO

2006-11-19T18:08:57Z

I never fancied pictures of clouds and skies. I think the sky is as much the same as it is different.

But the view out my window is becoming more beckoning. It's hard not to think of flying.

I'll be back I think

ONEONEONE

2006-09-04T07:43:00Z

Ha, so it's been quite a while since I updated. And of course I know I vowed to continue this journal through eternity.

School term is recessed now. Well, for 3 weeks already. So I'm left with about 7 weeks left. So people's been asking me what I'm doing. Am I working? What are your plans?

Nothing. And I don't feel guilty about just doing nothing. My friend Pearlyn agreed, 'Why should I work during my holidays when I'm going to work for the rest of my life after school?' I think that's a fair argument. Ha, self-serving bias.

Of course, I'm really handling my music now. I need the break time to spend time clearing up and polishing my pieces. I'm researching on them too, lots of books and films.

So besides that and frequent visits to video ezy (pride and prejudice, amongst others. oh that really made me feel human), I think I might want to learn pottery or something. I heard the clay makes your hands really smooth. :)

ONEONEZERO

2006-07-31T11:15:15Z

I think the time spent on the hairstylist's seat is sacred. It's when you look into the mirror and see another person at work on your hair. The concentration, the details, and the sounds are very engaging - at least to me. I think that's communication. It might be one where no words are exchanged (like today), or one full of bitching and action. Either way, at the hairstylist's, it's a matter of instant attraction.

Maybe it's because we rarely sit ourselves down before a mirror for such a long duration that's enough to cease the lies we tell ourselves as we stare at our own faces. Of course, we groom ourselves frequently in front of a mirror. But at the hairstylist's, it's submitting the time to another person who will ultimately have a hand in how we'd look in thirty minutes.

It's painful to stare so long at your own face.
And it's the same kind of pain that I feel when my own written script was read to me in class - parts and all. I think it's a matter of self-awareness. (Self-awareness is, to me, a better alternative for a word like embarrassment)

A good, trusting relationship with your hairdresser is vital. After all, not many people leave you with a wide smile, a fresh look, and a spur of nerve after a mere thirty minutes.

ONEZERONINE

2006-07-21T11:29:33Z

We all have our down moments. And it's not really our fault.

This week has been an especially thoughtful one for me. And while I welcomed it that way, the thoughts were much disheartening that affected the wires of my usually happy brain.

Mr. Ryan pulled me aside after class on Thursday.

'Is there anything you want to speak to me about? Anything that is distracting you? Anything at all I should be worried about?'

It was then and there I told him that what I wanted was .. to stop being the student I was.

'BUT you're the A student!'

I don't usually share that much in a classroom, even if it was just with him alone. But I did then. I said it has become too expensive a price to pay to get As. And I was fine with not having it - that way I can have many more things.

'You know what you're doing. Then it's okay.'

Maybe it was because I was ill; or because I was robbed of rest to finish up an assignment; or because I was tired, that I'm handling badly this concoction of emotions evoked by the various parts of my life coming together and each telling me something important. All in a week.

Yes, that should be why. Because just moments ago I felt Oprah was speaking to me from the tv set. To bed, then on the phone.

Perception.

ONEZEROEIGHT

2006-07-02T14:37:13Z

I recently was debating with a friend on how the line between art and pop should be erased soon. There should be no distinction between classical music and pop, or between arthouse films and commercial releases. One of the prominent local directors made a ridiculous comment on how he makes 'arthouse films' and that if we want action and blood, we should go rent Rambo. Just, how much more artsy does he think his films fare as compared to a film such as Rambo? Seems to me he's using his 'arthouse' excuse to shield him form the reality that only 3 halls will play his film. So well, arty fart.

I just did a massive reorganization of my life because I shifted around my goals and priorities. I realize I'm seventeen years old, and if I spend all my time crafting the best scripts, penning the most ambitious camera angles, or trying to read deep into films, I'll miss out on the sales and the coffee time. In other words, I just decided to get out of The Great Chase.

ONEZEROSIX

2006-06-09T11:50:11Z

Done, done, done

I have completed everything that has got to do with school. Now's finally the end of half my semester and I swear it was helldeepshit. So my break starts today and I have 2 weeks off. Well not really, I do have a production at the end of the break. (and one more essay. I'll consider it done already!)

It's rare that I feel I need a holiday to just recharge and rest. Now I do. And I'm glad I'm heading to LA on Sunday. I'll spend 3 days there, then up to Vegas and then to the Grand Canyon. Frommer's and Fordor's and LPlanet were my friends for the past few weeks.

The past 2 weeks were so taxing. It was the product of badly planned assignment datelines by the management. The new management is getting on our nerves. By our I mean students and staff alike. They ought to have ears to listen. Proposals, presentations, lectures, assignments, classes, and tardiness regularly appeared in the same sentence for me. But still, I feel so accomplished after slogging to uncheck to-dos from my iCal.

I have to slump and fly with Mariah now to recharge the soul.

I'll surely have lots of pictures. I might try to update this from there.
(And I'll make this journal regular from now on. I miss it too much.)

ciao!

ONEZEROFIVE

2006-03-29T09:07:32Z

The one after the super long hiatus.

I want to start doing this journal regularly again. Inertia, I guess. Always inertia.

I am sitting at my desk, looking out left to one of the most beautiful views ever. It's of birds, and trees, and unused buildings. It's almost quiet visionified. We've been at this new place for almost a day now. Sleep was good last night, though my divan is coming only now. I am really happy with this place. It's heavenly to slide across the new parquet and touch the minted wallpapers. I'm doing alot of ebaying for stuff that will fit my room. It's purple and black, by the way.

The moving was hell. It was, unexaggeratedly, packing everything in a day, and then unpacking everything the next. Deciding what should go where was tough - and I had almost a quarter of my things trashed.

So yes, it's been a whole busy time in my online absence. A few things also happened. Freshman year ended - so now I'm on recess for another three and a half weeks. I was hospitalized, but that was just nothing serious blown out of proportion. Then I received my school results. Nothing fantastic, not unhappy, but I'm just perturbed with a few issues. Plus I found myself an accompanying stint for a choir. Which pays me generously, and it's great learning.

Lunch is waiting for me downstairs.

ONEZEROFOUR

2006-02-23T15:13:19Z

I've rarely come to such a point of anger where there is almost no degree of expulsion enough to express it.

Kylie's Showgirl tour rocks.

The Grammy's was so -.

My term is recessed.

I have so much music to learn.

The bitterness of white shall never leave my lips, now and always.

ONEZEROTHREE

2006-01-26T16:31:42Z

I was seated on a crowded bus once. It was way crowded (if you ride on number 67 you'd know). I slept through the journey and my heavy head tends to sway uncomfortably when this happens - especially when I am sleeping on a bus. So I swayed and it so happens I swayed into the crotch of a man who was standing by my seat. I woke up embarrassed.

Racism is a heavy topic. But I think the term is overused and for the wrong reasons.
To me, the highest form of racism is reflected in both thought and deed. I am ashamed to admit that I am guilty of that at times. It usually happens on bus ride when I see a Bangladeshi worker sitting down alone. Even when I see plenty of more convenient seats, I choose to sit on the one beside him. That, now, is racism. Because I see a subject against which I am prejudiced, and I act on that prejudice. Make no mistake: sometimes I can spot a slight smile on their faces. I have nothing against them: in fact, I adore the scent of other races. But this is racism.

On the contrary then, the only state where racism does not exist is the state of indifference. This means that I am cool - whether or not my race is represented in wherever. That I'm cool whether or not the English channel is playing a day of Tamil songs. Or whatever.

Very, very unfortunately (and I must stress this), I have no constitutional powers to argue on anything related to racism. I am a Chinese in Singapore. (And if you start thinking I migrated here, I am a Singaporean-Chinese.) And in a state where 70% of us are Chinese, there is a an (albeit logical) imbalance towards the Chinese race. So all of my arguments are invalid because they represent a reasonable bias.

But I guess things can be really different if it was a fully educated population that is looking at this.

And that is also why I think that there is no such thing as a successful democracy. Governance must come top-down, and not the other way round. Governing a country requires choices of an educated person and skills of an experienced ideologist. These aren't things we can usually find in a commoner's CV - so how can we select governors from the people? or worse, are commoners equipped with ability to select governors educatedly? Thankfully there is no such thing as a pure democracy. Every democracy has a certain degree of dictatorship that enforces things that the low-level public cannot see or agree with.

Perhaps it can be a good thing when the aged population is slowly replaced with people who grew up in education. Don't get me started on this taxi driver who ranted on for half an hour about the Government expenditures on the Herman Miller chairs for one of its offices. He probably couldn't even pronounce ergonomic.

ONEZEROTWO

2006-01-14T16:59:22Z

Make up. Funny two words.

ONEZEROONE

2006-01-06T17:41:49Z

I'm hitting the point again where I start missing things and people from the past. Not that those aren't here anymore, but its just that I remember them as they were in the past. When there is a clear indication of an end of a phase in life (a graduation, a death etc), memory compartmentalizes those things and then opens a new bank where it stores things in the present. That is why I feel that while I long for meetups and gathering of old pals, those events get really stagnant (no, not boring) after a while: we start with the hellos, then dinner, then talk over food. There is the polite 'what you up to now?' and 'are you handling school alright?' and then there is the next 5 hours talking about things that happened in the together-past. And the same thing repeats itself even at subsequent meetings. And I'm almost grateful for that because I think it is beautiful to move on with my life, and have some people that never did together with my to remind my of the nice and nasty things that happened in the past. It is like a tangible form of memory: something you can touch and feel and talk to and something that can reciprocate all of that. And even after years, they still come back to the dinner table all the same. Memory.

I never believe that people change. Sure, their beliefs do, their behaviors do, their ideology do, their husbands do. But those things are far from making up what a person is. I can't put a word to it, but it's like the familiarity you sense when you are near someone from your past - even if no words or eye contacts are exchanged.

Of course, there are those who, along with you, move on from the closed phase. Those are really treasures. I have some. And I appreciate them so much because I cannot imagine how I'd be without their (though unsaid) encouragement. But for reasons royal, I cannot list the names of them. Oh, you know who you are!

It's time to put on some Rod Stewart and Faith Hill to fly.

ONEHUNDRED

2005-12-28T17:40:30Z

It can be a foregone conclusion that Christmas is everybody's favorite part of the year. It is mine and I think this year's is such a great one to end a good year. You know how people always try to find a nice holiday to get away? Turns out that Singapore is such a good place to holiday in! Basically we shopped so much that my mom decided to check us into Raffles The Plaza for the night. And like all things that bear the Raffles seal, it made me feel like a queen for a night. With a room that had the view of City Hall and the sea below and the entire city skyline on the right, and a bathroom that was mirrored throughout, and two queen size beds, and a Bose sound system, it was enough to satisfy :)

So we spent a day and a half at Robinson's where they had this crazy sale. And I think this Christmas they are notch better than Tangs. It was dirt cheap like 20% off, members additional 20%. The crowd there was nauseating to walk through though. But at least it was a members-only pre-sale and so the (good) people didn't really mess up the lot of shopping.

And I'm going to be a whore and list down my bought-list, pictures included.
Shirts from Daniel Hechter: enough to safely conclude the double stripe is my favorite shirt brand. It has always been anyway.

A pair of Clarks. Pre-stained white leather.

A crumpler bag. Miscellaneous polos.

So those plus

a leather belt.
a few tees.
a new phone.
a pair of trousers presently at the alteration counter.
a few cds.
$25 itunes gift card.
$50 borders gift card.
S100 takashimaya gift certificates.
some cash.

are what I have gotten new to end this year. and I'm very pleased. Not just with my new toys. but with this whole year as a whole. I think I've grown pretty much as a person, a musician, a student, an artist, and a young boy. And while on that, I just turned seventeen yesterday, so it's happy birthday to me :)

And I think the Klazz brothers are hot.

NINETYNINE

2005-12-22T16:42:34Z

So Miss Carey has earned her seventeenth number one single on the Billboard Hot 100. That makes me really happy, because Don't Forget About Us is a really good record and deserves all airplay. But I still think we should shut Jermaine Dupri up. He's a good producer, yes, but I don't think it is necessary to, for the sake of what seems like territorialization, add a silly liner at the beginning of the song.

I have a Photoshop skill test at ten tomorrow morning and I think I should sleep soon, although I think I'd be distracted by online shopping again. Ebay rocks; but the sheer convenience of that whole concept store has made me spend so much money on useless, impulsive buys. And my habit does not seem to want to go away because things online are dirt cheap.

Know what? I am going to add a wishlist as an edit later on.

EDIT

WISHLIST: CHRISTMAS/BIRTHDAY 2005

In no order whatsoever,

Desperate Housewives' Dirty Laundry Game
Beegie Adair's Jazz Piano Christmas
Jared Diamond's Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed
Pier Vittorio Tondelli's Separate Rooms
Calvin Klein Knit Boxer Underwear
Martha Argerich's Tchaikovsky: Piano Concerto No. 1 in B flat minor, Op. 23
Historic Russian Archives: Sviatoslav Richer in Concert

...or my entire amazon wishlist here.

otherwise, Santa can get me Border's Gift Cards, iTunes Music Store Gift Cards, Tang's gift vouchers, Robinson's is fine too.

NINETYEIGHT

2005-12-18T16:57:07Z

I decided to be a little weird and buy a handkerchief. Now I put it in my pocket whenever I go out. Somehow I feel a bit comforted when I slip my left hand into my pocket and feel this impossibly soft quartered cloth. Among other things, I also got new boxers, new shirts, new music, new cds, and just today a new phone. ahh, the Motorola V3.

Just recently my good old friend got me hooked on online shopping. And I have since paid for really strange stuff at exorbitant prices. I wonder why I bid for stuff like a newspaper cutout that costs 5 pounds. I'll probably spend more on useful things like AE and all in the coming week, of course, not without the crazy ideas of THAT friend.

I'm now on holidays. But I'm not near to free. I feel bad for not buying gifts, but I feel even worse for not setting up my own online wish-list of some sort. (Now that's a bad bad boy Santa won't visit.)

I'm wee bit sick now. and I am going to retreat to my shell to rest.

Happy Holidays!

NINETYSEVEN

2005-12-10T09:46:10Z

School work is slowly but surely piling up.

NINETYSIX

2005-11-30T07:41:28Z

While I write this I should be in class listening to rants on how certain issues can affect us: that buying branded goods is bad be cause we consume too much. And that smoking should be banned. And that all people in Singapore should learn Mandarin and be fluent in it. Funny thing is that they call it 'Contemporary Issues' when their minds are obviously locked up in their own world where warped theories like health is wealth exist.

In any case, I'm glad I am here at home.

I want to watch Prime. Meryl Streep. At least I think seeing that show will edify me as a student and develop me as an artist so much more than the what the time I would potentially spend in that class can.

I won't let school get in my way of education.

NINETYFIVE

2005-11-22T16:11:42Z

I thought the end of the holidays would bring about structured things for me to do on a daily basis. That's true: I do have a prescribed timetable. But I think that I have more leisure time than I did during my holidays. The current freedom makes me feel uncomfortable because I feel the guilt of sloth for not doing anything, even though there's nothing much left to do. Then again it's a puzzling fact why I suddenly have lots to accomplish before I turn in and it eats into precious sleep time.

I find it hard to believe that some people can be entirely unaware of themselves and especially their downsides. I'll be more than willing to look if they were to flaunt expertise and boastworthy things, but I guess its very habitual that we, as people, like to do things the other way round.
But really, how does a complete lack of self-awareness compare to being fully secure with yourself?

I fell short of the Dean's list last semester.

NINETYFOUR

2005-11-20T16:52:13Z

Not for long,

NINETYTHREE

2005-11-05T15:34:39Z

The case for Nguyen Van Tuong has been ongoing, but it has never really sparked anything among us Singaporeans. The Australian press deems this as Singapore's disinterest in a (inter)national affair because of our tight academic and speech freedom. The way I see it, it represents a worthy maturity of her people.

Nguyen Van Tuong flew into Singapore on transit from Melbourne. At the Singapore Changi Airport, he was found to be carrying 400 grams of heroin. Here in Singapore, the death sentence (carried out via hanging) is mandatory for the trafficking of 15 grams of Heroin or equivalent or more. Mandatory means that neither judges nor even the Chief Justice himself are vested any powers to lesser the sentence. It is this act that killed 420 people since 1991; the same one that made Singapore famous as the highest per capita deaths by capital punishment in the world; and the same one that has successfully made Singapore negligibly drug-free.

Knowing that Singapore is so popular for our allegedly unjustified death penalty for a supposed mini crime like drug trafficking, as well as for our highest-per-capita-deaths-by-state fact, I cannot understand why a person like Nguyen Van Tuong would readily bring in 26 times the weight of heroin that lashes the mandotary hangman's loose.

Every contract has a consideration and a condition: you do this, you get this; you don't do this, you get that. it's the same way it works here, and I therefore feel that it is plain ignorance to use this case to oust the capital punishment. Well, we all can see that this case doesn't contain itself anymore: it involves the case of abolishing the death penalty. Insubstantial, in my opinion.

People who argue for it should think about what they are suggesting: that a country's laws be undermined by political interests, commoner sympathy and mass ignorance.

It is the principle behind this rationale that is quintessential. This case must not be the turning point for Singapore's laws, because doing so will diminish any pride and respect this system enjoys. Nguyen Van Tuong must be punished according to what the law deems.

And if need be, the case for the abolishment of capital punishment should be dealt with separately. Against the expected repercussions if this were to happen, I still believe I will feel no pinch if Singapore reviews the capital punishment and eventually chooses to abolish it altogether after this case. What I'm saying is that each country should have its own way of meting out punishments depending on what works. I am confident many locals will defend our stand on capital punishement. It's simply unjustified if the case against capital punishment is brought into Nguyen Van Tuong's case. Because it's not only unfair to him, but also it is an insult that the judicial system be made to bear witness against itself.

I say that it is the maturity of Singaporeans that should be credited to for our silence (but we are far from indifferent). I find it so because we know how much this law (and many others) has been advantageous for us, although seen as opposite to outsiders.

If Singapore were to cave this time, I'll be deeply disappointed.

NINETYTWO

2005-10-31T16:21:21Z

First day at school was coldly odd. I expected to return to a familiar place where we would be at liberty to be silly. I guess the six weeks apart demands a bit of reinstating our positions with one another. That said, it was certainly undeniable that some people and their things dug awfully deep and ugly into what we all used to remember. Then again it is usually these ugly things that make school a place we remember and bitch about :)

Okay, sorry for the ambiguity. But rules of the institution has been made less friendly and I ought to be careful. For one, it was past practice that students (me, quite the usual case) who turn up late after more than 10 minutes were considered late, and after 30 considered absent; this semester, they changed it so that one minute pass deems us late, and 15 minutes makes us nonexistent. I bet I'll be cast into the ticking chasm of a clock before being expelled.

I had two of four of today's lectures cancelled, and to this I am so sure the teachers are somewhere on holiday in a nice place with their moms. Who wouldn't take 3 days of leave to get 9 days off? I still had to arrive at school by 8. I wasn't late. For my Introduction to Film class I was made to sit through the entirety of The Wizard of Oz film. My eyes were dreadful, first to the bodily-foreign timing I was trying to get used to, and second to the thing I saw on the big screen. (Okay, the second reason was not limited to the eyes only: the ears were worse.) With all respect to its credentials, I found myself uncomfortable watching that thing they call a classic. But work's work and that, I have to submit a report on my musings.

I went to town to get back into holiday mood. There, I swear someone on the bus threw water down my jeans back pocket while I was getting down because I found it wet through the moment I alighted. And I wasn't sitting on a wet patch. Maybe it was a sick Halloween joke.

Oh folks. Happy Halloween. Hear the story.